Ask SamRock!

Monday, 20 April 2009 23:23 SamRock

Want answers to something you've been wondering about for the longest time? In a sticky situation and need some advice on what to do? Have a burning question or rash?

Well worry no more! SamRock is here to answer all of life's questions!

So go ahead and leave your problem or question in a comment, and go ahead and change "Guest" to a creative name and your question might just be posted in a future issue of the WesternGarbage!

Last Updated on Tuesday, 21 April 2009 01:50

Comments (33)

so now that school is started my big plans for my senior year is i want to corrupt young freshman as best as i can but, more than that i want to sexually mount the chicks I've missed my opportunity to conquest. how should i go this great task for the year?

Im stuck in Macomb for the summer. What else is there to do besides getting drunk and playing PS3?

so my roommates made me watch twilight does that make me a tool??

if a guy is smitten with a girl but is too shy to do anything about it what should he do??

and yes i said smitter

are girls more interested in one large gesture or a bunch of small ones?

My crotch smells of yeast and I have a vegetable such like that of a cauliflower growing on my pee pee.. Could you give advise?

Now that my children are older (two in college and a 14 year old) my husband and I find ourselves home alone quite often. My husband sees every time we are alone as the "perfect" time for sex. After 22 + years of marriage I could use a little romance in my life but my husband doesn't find that to be of any importance. What can I do to get him to be a little more interested in romance???

Dear Samrock,
You know the drill marry, fuck, and kill the dj, bouncer, and bartender.

Dear Samrock,
What is your opinion on Tucker Max and his book "I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell". Do you feel his rating system on women is correct. Is it true that he's an asshole and should have an executive seat in hell?

Dear Samrock,
Why have the lastest issues of the WesternGarbage not been upto par?

Dear Samrock,
There is this girl that is completely and totally obsessed and in love with my boyfriend and she just does not get that he wants nothing to do with her.. yet she still writes on his wall alllllllllllllll the time and texts and calls him.. how do i politely tell her to back the fuck off!?!?

what the hell is there to do at western when drinking is no longer fun?

so i have recently discovered that i may be a closet homosexual, and i have been dating girls for all my life, if i try to pick up a guy, do i perform all the same moves on these guys as i would with girls?

how can i convince this girl in my class that shes very annoying and that nobody likes her? she just wont believe me, no matter how many times everyone tell her. please help

Okay, So I'm 21 and have never dated a guy. I feel like I'm attracted, yes I've always been heavy, but I'm not ugly and I have a great personality and glow with confidence. It seems like the only men that have been attracted to me and have done anything about it are mentally or physically handicapped, to be politically correct, and are not on my level at all. How do I get a good looking, intelligent and sweet guy to like me for who I am and know it's okay to let me know that they're into me?

We are currently between graphic designers. But I assure you we will be back to our despicable work very soon. Thank you for your concern.

So, just wondering if this newspaper is no more. Havent seen in issue in a while, and im guessing that it. Lemme know.

Dear SamRock,

I've been with this girl for a few months now, and she keeps talking about we should be honest with each other about everything. Should I tell her I have a fetish for pouring ranch dressing on my lover during intercourse or is that too much?

Do you think she's DTR? (down to ranch)

I have a crush on a girl in one of my classes, we've talked a few times but it seems like she's more interested in dumb meatheads. What can i do to stand out and make her like me.

Dear SamRock,
I am an avid reader of your column and feel that you give very sound advice, although I feel the need to give a word of warning to readers concerned with the imminent zombie invasion. As a self-proclaimed zombie enthusiast, I would recommend the use of different weapons as opposed to the shotgun during an invasion. From a long range I would recommend a cross bow (silent and deadly) and from close range a .22 rifle and handgun combination. The small round can be interchanged and hundreds of rounds can be carried easily. Also if the shot it well aimed, the little round can do as much damage as the shotgun. The downside of the shotgun is its large shells. It's extremely effective, but for optimal survival chances, I would leave the shotgun above the mantle.

Why don't people go on dates like we used to in high school? What would be a good date to take a girl on while here at Western? What do girls want to do??

my girlfriend doesnt realize that most of her "male friends" want to fuck her....what should i do

what are your thoughts on hair in general (facial, and pubic as well)?

Just because it is summer does not mean you cannot still write to me!

My roomate is a complete douchebag. He steals my stuff sometimes, and constantly locks me out of my room when im in the shower. Would it be morally acceptable to shit in his protein shake powder.

Hey you wanna go out sometime???

Dear samrock
When my girlfriend is on her period she thinks that if one ride is broken the whole park is closed. What should I do to convincer her to open the rest of the park?

So I'm sitting on the toilet with my itouch reading some garbage online, I realized that there is no more toilet paper. I need to wipe desperately, history has shown that I would use the paper that I was reading, but in the age of technology I don't even have that! What should I do/use?

dear Sam
I am horny, and don't have any outlet for my sexual perversions. please help. i need a partner.
where is the best place to pick up drunken sluts that will sleep with me me? or perhaps just some good one night stands.
signed
lonly in macomb

My girlfriend doesn't like the taste of my man-juice. I eat pineapple and other fruit to try to remedy that, and she still won't ingest. Help me!

I am having a hard time going to all my classes, doing homework, working and still making time for sex. It has been awhile since I've had sex and I think that I am having the same problem that most people are having, my classes are just getting in the way of time when I could be having sex, or meeting someone to have sex with. What should I do?!

Sam is hilarious and honest

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